Yesterday, I had the most amazingly fun time floating the Illinois River with my Oklahoma girlies. I can't wait to do it again next year! I will post pictures as soon as I can, but until then, here's a guide to having your own super amazing fun time on the Illinois River with YOUR girls:
1. Gather a group of girlfriends that you get along with really well...this is important because you will need "Girl Power" several times throughout your day.
2. Wear flip-flops. They will come off easier in the water, be carried away much more easily by currents, and be more likely to float away should your raft begin to take on water.
3. Pack lots of snacks and drinks. Be sure to bring at least two lunch-bag size coolers. They will come in handy during your trip.
4. Play the Name Game on the drive to the river. This will serve as a great distraction for your driver! It's also so fun to play that you won't even care (or maybe not even notice) if you get sort of lost on the way. (You might end up hating a particular letter of the alphabet, but it's worth it).
5. Listen carefully to the teenage boy who drives you to your float point. He will have important information to impart about the fork in the river (the most important of which he will omit). Discuss with your friends the embarrassing fact that, had all of you been in your teens and not your late twenties/early thirties, you would probably have thought your guide was hot.
6. Scream a lot or laugh uncontrollably when you get close to tangles of fallen trees, large rocks, or scary things protruding from the banks. It makes them go away faster.
7. If you run out of conversation while floating, continue playing the Name Game (use the order you were seated in the car, NOT the order you are seated in the raft) and or start playing Alphabet Game until you think of more things to talk about. The topic of the Alphabet Game should be "Bands & Singers."
8. If dragonflies try to land on your leg or ankle for mating purposes, allow your friends who have paddles to hit you with the paddles in order to shoo the dragonflies off.
9. Use the bathroom at each campground/beach area at which you stop. It will make every non-campground bathroom you use seem like facilities fit for royalty.
10. If you are not paddling, try to help your friends who ARE paddling by kicking in the water with your feet and trying to push off of algae-slime-covered logs with your hands. They will appreciate your efforts!
11. When your raft becomes lodged on a tangle of logs and branches and begins to take on water, scream even louder or laugh even more uncontrollably than you did when merely floating by logs & branches. This will help lighten the mood and dislodge your raft more quickly. Also make sure that at least one person moves the most important thing in the raft, the waterproof bag containing cameras & cellphones, to the side of the raft that isn't taking on water.
12. Once you get your raft dislodged, use empty lunchbag-sized coolers to bail water from the raft.
13. When you reach the fork in the river, take your raft to the beach area and dump out the remaining water. Try to decide if you are indeed supposed to go to the right, like the teenager told you, or if you should go to the left.
14. Let other floaters go to the right while you sit in half on the bank, half in the water and enjoy the cooling effect. Search for nifty river stones while you watch them carry their canoes and rafts to their impending deaths. Determine that when your guide said "There will be a log, but it's mostly underwater, so you'll just float over it," he really meant that you'd have to carry your raft through shallow water and some stony beach areas.
15. When carrying your raft through shallow water on the way to the other side of the fork, use a log covered in spiders to brace yourself if the current is too strong. Try dumping water on the spiders to make them go away. Stop dumping water on the spiders when one of your friends informs you that they're water spiders.
16. After you get through the final fork, you will encounter slow-moving water. Have your friends who are paddling whirl your raft around in circles so that it takes longer to finish.
17. When you're finished, consider asking the people who own the raft place if they'll let you float again for $20.
18. Finish your float trip by swimming in the pool at the raft place. Take lots of pictures with the concrete dragon that decorates the perimeter of the pool, and plan to use them for your Myspace default pic.
19. After packing up the van, drive to the nearest Braums (at the suggestion from the girl from out-of-state) and eat dinner. Enjoy hamburgers made with two bottom buns, hamburgers made with two top buns, hamburgers made upside down and soaked in mustard, AND limeade that's made with no syrup.
20. Drive home in a torrential downpour. It makes the ride home much more interesting! Take pictures of the storm from the van window.
21. End the day with plans to repeat the trip again next summer, but next time do the whole day trip and stay over in a cabin!!
This trip was so hysterically fun, and I truly can't wait to do it again. Despite what this list makes it seem, floating the river yesterday was so relaxing and it was great to hang out with the girls and just not worry about anything for a few hours.
